What Not to Say to Newly-Weds

Now, this post is very much my own opinion and experiences on some rather popular phrases I’ve had directed at myself since getting married a few months ago. Experiences may differ for individuals and feelings may vary but just a helpful hint if you wish not to be stared down by a blushing no-longer-bride.

There have been certain phrases that seem to spew out of peoples mouths at the first sight of you after the wedding bells have tolled. Some more irritating than others, some laughable, some genuinely nice ones – though the latter are rarer to come across. These are just a few:

“So are you going to continue to work?”

I almost laughed in this persons face – how utterly ridiculous! If I was pregnant I would completely understand the sentiment, but as I am most certainly not I couldn’t help sense the completely archaic tone of the words.

Nowadays we are fortunate that in most societies the norm is no longer to have a situation where women are married off and forced to work purely in the home. Not all families are capable to have the luxury of having a lady of leisure as their matriarch. Not to say I wouldn’t enjoy it, who wouldn’t? But to imply its a “shame” for someone to continue working can be rather an insult to the way they choose to live. Anyway, I like my job; not a lot of people can say that too often!

“I’m surprised you have any money left.”

It is no-one’s business but yours to know the fine details of your finances, no matter what they are.

So for someone to assume they have an idea of them and insinuate that they are slightly on the struggling side is incredibly insulting. My husband and I have been extremely smart in our budgets and savings so that we were able to afford a house and a wedding within a month of each other. We know how incredibly fortunate we are to be in this position, but to have someone assume you are naive enough to have only dust left in your pockets comes across as rather rude. Not to say we’re rolling in it and living the life of luxury, but we work for what we have and are sensible spenders – well, sometimes! (I’m looking at you make-up dresser!)

“I hope you’ve left him a list of jobs at home!”

This one I dislike as it gives the impression that said partner doesn’t pull his weight already without a prompt or nag. Simply because one partner is at work does not necessarily mean that the other has become a house husband/wife. When this was said to me, my husband was actually at his full time job – which he more than pulls his weight at. It was then followed by “I’d have him doing…” and a list of household chores. Where is the public intel to tell a person everyone’s home life? Chores can be done as a display of respect and help; not just at the demand of the other.

“So, do you still love him?”

This one is a bit of a funny one as it is completely mood dependent!

I’ve been in cheerful moods thus taken it lightly and as a joke, replying with “so far!”; but other times, like when it’s a bit of a stressful day, it can unfortunately be taken to feel like the person is insulting my knowledge of what I was getting into. You constantly learn about someone when you’re in a relationship with them – you never stop finding out something new. But asking someone a month into marriage? I’d be concerned if the answer was seriously unsure.

“So, when are you going to start having kids?”

I realise I’m going into very sensitive territory here so will keep it short.

Unless you know  someone’s ability to conceive children, please be careful when considering asking this; or even ask them when they will start to try – who’s to say they haven’t already? Are you sure they are a person who even wants to have children? Fortunately, I am not in a position where we have tried so can’t be hurt or saddened by the question, but you just never know.

“You can still back out you know?”

This is a slight cheat as this was said to me but a week before the big day.

The person who said this didn’t even mean it entirely as a joke, unfortunately. I never once wanted to back out at any point. What they unfortunately were unaware of was that I have first-hand watched this exact situation happen to someone and I wish I could forget it. What they saw as something said in lighthearted jest was an awful reminder that being jilted doesn’t only happen in the movies.

Every relationship is different and everyone’s experiences are different. Some may find these particular phrases okay, some may not – especially depending who they come from. Something said in jest by your best mate might not be so kindly received from the new server at the local shop.

If anything, simply ask if the couple are settling into married life alright. It’s one heck of a lifestyle change so the main concern is getting settled into a new routine with their new spouse in their (hopefully) happily ever after!

Featured image taken from our wedding collection by Oliver’s Photography

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